"The brighter the light
the darker the shadow.
A longer today
is a shorter tomorrow."

To say the truth, I was pathetic this year ಠ_ಠ

Something jolted me awake this morning. A glance towards the window told me it was before 8.00am. Beijing is really cold these days. A kind of cold that pierces the bones and freezes the heart. Autumn had left but Winter has yet to arrive. T'was the time when everything that passed that year came flowing back like the tide, with a force that leaves one's head with the worst migraines in their lives.
I realised I have nothing to remember.
Still nothing.
Everything that happened this year was not worth a mention as something "memorable" if one were to ask.

I practically flunked school. I had not been on honour roll for 2 years after a consecutive 6 years record and the best part? I did nothing to change this disaster.

I am not going to survive next year. I am going to drop out of the best class. I just can't survive there anymore.

I submitted only 1 piece of (ugly) art this year. I simply can't find the motivation to draw anything. I did not even touch my manga paper for 5 months and my brushes have long ago frozen on the window sill.

My progress is simply repulsive. I don't even know what happened but before I know it, my art is now the worst among my group of friends at school. Sometimes I feel that they are too disgusted to even stand beside me.

I failed Chinese. I don't even think elaboration is needed to point out how retarded I am getting.

I apologise for spamming my 4 dear watchers' messages with my angst crap. I will try to work hard this December and bring back order to my seriously messed-up life. It is not anyone's obligation to read this but more of a note to myself whenever I log on, to remind me to change everything.

I would appreciate it if people do not start arguing here how my "sufferings" are tiny compared to others. In fact, I will be really upset if you start pulling out names of famous people who displays resilience. Because simply, I am NOT them. Different people have different tolerance for setbacks and I am one that goes into depression every time something went wrong.

I am sorry to have bothered anyone who chance upon this or spoiled anyone's day. I just hope that next year will be much better. See everyone/no one next year.

Shiliu,
2009.11.20